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| The Giver |
| "Approval is love." |
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| Fixations: |
| • Flattery |
| • Pride |
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| Higher Aspects: |
| • Freedom |
| • Humility |
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Where Attention & Energy Go
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Belief that one gains love, approval and the fulfillment of their own personal needs – by giving to important others what they want, holding out the hope they’ll give back
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Gaining approval and avoiding rejection by adapting to the wishes of others
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Pride in meeting the needs of others and being important to them
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Confusion in identifying personal needs
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Focus energy on altering oneself to meet the needs of others thereby creating confusion between the many selves that develop.
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| Strengths |
| Giving |
| Helpful |
| Relational |
| Generous |
| Exuberant |
| Supportive |
| Expressive |
| Appreciative |
Sensitive to
Others Feelings |
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| What Supports Personal Development |
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Set boundaries
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Allow self to receive from others
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Maintain clarity about authentic identity
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Acknowledge dispensability and that it’s okay
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Notice when helpfulness seems intrusive and controlling to others.
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Use anger and rising distress signals to see needs are not being met
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Realize that being loved does not depend on changing self for others
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| Look-Alikes |
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| Point 5 & 2 |
Both are sensitive & giving to important others and don’t know their own feelings
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• 2's -
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Sustains giving, almost always moving into connection to meet needs & loses boundaries
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• 5's -
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Periods of giving/responding are intermittent, needs to disconnect to protect and recharge
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| Point 6 & 2 |
Both are warm, friendly, anxious, sensitive to others, deferring to others wants, seductive, disarming
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• 2's -
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Moves forward with active energy focus on important others, indispensable, identity of self is based in giving
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• 6's -
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Warily holds back, doubting self/others, spurning indispensability, give to get security
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| Point 7 & 2 |
Both are active, upbeat, energetic, charming, seductive, friendly, selective in relationships, want to be liked
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• 2's -
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Alters to meet the emotional needs of others
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• 7's -
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Keeps separate, oriented toward self / own needs, easily gets self-absorbed into intellectual pursuits
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| Point 9 & 2 |
Both want to please and meet others needs, lose awareness of own needs and priorities
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• 2's -
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Active, focus attention on what others need, alters to meet those needs, alters image
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• 9's -
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Reactive, pulled by environmental claims, blend in, disperse energy to create comfort, image unchanged
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Summary – Point Two – The Giver
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The Two is focused on what they believe others want or need from them in life to succeed. It is by being associated with this important other that the two feels approved of, accepted and loved.
They can have an uncanny ability to alter themselves in order to become what they believe the other would like for them to be. This point is often the “power behind the throne," preferring to be in the background to support the important other vs being center stage themselves.
Giving is in hopes that they might be given back to and a desire of being recognized.
There is confusion in identifying their own personal needs, while having great pride in knowing the needs of someone else. People with this style have developed a habit of extending themselves energetically toward another and intuitively sensing what another might be feeling or needing.
Uses flattery, seduction and manipulation to get others to respond to them favorably, but only those they deem worthy of their attention. A sense of inflation can develop with an exaggerated sense of importance in their contributions to others, and their giving can come with a high invisible price tag.
The healthy Two can give and care for others, yet return to their own emotional truth and attend to their own needs even if isn’t in alignment with an important other.
They recognize that being loved does not depend on giving up their self for others. Have learned that to have needs themselves is a part of life.
Twos grow by discovering what they want, and by being alone.
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